Getting to “Us” tagged: , ,

Getting to “Us”

Posted by in Church & Missions

Getting to Yes, a popular management book that came out in the early nineties, is about handling negotiations and finding a positive outcome for the one who is negotiating. Getting to yes is more difficult with some people and subjects than it is with others.

Perhaps a book about discipleship could be titled Getting to Us. It would be based on various passages like these:

So, being affectionately desirous of you, we were ready to share with you not only the gospel of God but also our own selves, because you had become very dear to us (1 Thes. 2:8).

Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working (James 5:16).

Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing (1 Thes. 5:11).

And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near (Heb. 10:24-25).

Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God (Col. 3:16).

It can be easy for Bible studies and small groups to become more like lecture halls and classrooms in their outward expression. Participants tackle the meaning of the text, scan the immediate context, look at differing interpretations, and leave satisfied that they understand a little bit more about God and His Word.

This is good. We want these things to be occurring. But sometimes we lapse into asking, “How many servants went with Abraham to Mount Moria?” without ever getting to, “What is the greatest sacrifice someone in your family has made?” or “What areas in your life do you currently hesitate to trust God with?”

Fortunately, most churches I’ve been at have had at least one group that is very intentional about sharing their lives together, confessing sins to one another, and praying for each other. They move from hearing and interpreting the Word to applying it to their lives.

But what are we to do when we find ourselves in groups where this type of fellowship, sharing, and openness is not the norm? Chances are if you are not currently in a group like this, you will be eventually. Fellowship can grow cold. We create mindless routines. We join a new class with different group dynamics.

Although much more could be said (feel free to add some more points in the comments section), here are just a few ideas for making stronger bonds in your discipleship groups that embody the ideals of fellowship.

Set the example

In reading through the Pastoral Epistles, I notice how adamantly Timothy and Titus were called to set an example to other believers. Timothy is told to set an example “in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity” (1 Tim. 4:12). Paul says to Titus, “Show yourself in all respects to be a model of good works, and in your teaching show integrity, dignity, and sound speech that cannot be condemned” (Tit. 2:7-8).

My wife and I met with another couple for discipleship, and in talking about our day I mentioned that Hannah and I had an argument. I stormed off to our room and she went shopping. We reconciled and I had the unenviable task of asking forgiveness for my actions.

After our get together, Hannah asked me why I decided to share that (she wasn’t opposed to it). The answer is because I want the other couple to be comfortable sharing the same things with us. When we confess our sins, ask for forgiveness, and are open about it, we are modeling Christian behavior for newer believers.

If your group is not close-knit or only gives the “Sunday school” answers, set the example for how to behave and conduct oneself in the group. Openness and honesty are good. And if you’re concerned that openness may make others think you don’t qualify to serve in the ministry, remember that hiding it won’t make you any more qualified in God’s sight.

Make Men’s and Women’s Groups

Some people disagree with having youth groups and classes divided by age because they feel the family should be together. Though I don’t want to argue the pros and cons of the spatial unity of the family during discipleship, there is definitely biblical support for groups based on gender.

In the Pastorals Paul encouraged his young protégés to teach and encourage women to teach and encourage younger women and older men to teach and encourage younger men. God created gender differences, and when He did it He said that it was good. This means that being a man or a woman is a very important part of our person.

Who better to teach younger woman how to grow into older, wiser, and godly women than… older, wiser, and godly women? Or who better to teach younger men how to grow into older, wiser, and godly men than… older, wiser, and godly men.

Ask Better Questions

That same day Hannah and I met with the couple for discipleship we talked about the story recorded in Genesis where Abraham is told to sacrifice Isaac (Gen. 22). I prepared some questions in advance.

As we recapped the story, I did ask how many servants went with Abraham. But this was merely for gauging story retention and their willingness to participate. I then asked, “Why do you believe God called Isaac Abraham’s only son when he had another son from Hagar?” This was for comprehension. Then I asked, “How have you acted recently when you knew that God demanded something of you that you didn’t want to do?”

This was for application and sharing. It is easy to talk about the faith of Abraham. It is easy to wonder about his trust in God. It can be challenging to compare that with your life in front of other people.

I had a few things going for me. One, I had modeled openness. Not only did I share a failure from my personal life, but I also volunteered to answer the question first. Two, I had built up the comfort and confidence level by starting with easy questions and moving to more personal ones.

Just asking more personal questions will not make your group closer and more open. Failing to prepare the group can lead to awkward silence, vague answers, or, on the other end of the spectrum, a group therapy session.

Remember the Goal

Openness and group cohesion is not the end goal. We are looking for fellowship as an integral part of discipleship. We should enjoy being together. That is a must. But we must also learn from and apply the Word of God to our lives. Having one without the other is not biblical.

What about you? What other points would you add to the list?