The Missionaries are Here! Now What? tagged: , , ,

The Missionaries are Here! Now What?

Posted by in Bible & Theology, Church & Missions

On numerous occasions I have heard people discussing the events of their week including that awkward visit from the local LDS missionaries.  More often than not, the stories conclude with, “and that’s how I got them off my porch.”  Simply getting someone off your porch is something even a trunk monkey could do and requires no special skills.  I had always preferred the “shock and awe” approach to the get them off the porch approach, albeit with similar results.  Over time, however, my methods have changed.  I am by no means an expert on Mormonism.  I do hope. however, that some of these pointers are helpful in your future engagements.

A few facts before you begin.  Most of the missionaries are either straight out of high-school or in their early college years.  They receive about two weeks of training before they go on their two-year mission.  Thus, the information-overload approach is not hard to achieve.  Their basic method is to present a short pitch.  If you are interested, they want to show you a video and ask what you thought.  If you continue to show interest, they will refer you on to their local church.  They are trained specifically not to engage in arguments or build long term relationships.  This makes it difficult for those who use a polemical approach and a relational approach to ever get a real “bite” on them.  They always work in pairs, grouped with a new guy and someone who is more seasoned.  This provides accountability and helps keep the new guys in line.  These pairs are changed out every few weeks/months so that two rebels cannot find each other and establish a code of silence.  For many of these young men (and a few women) this is one of their first times out, and probably the farthest out they have ever been.  They have grown up in a place where almost everyone thinks and acts just like they do.  They are given the narrative that LDS is the only way and that those without it lead broken lives, have broken families, and cannot even do good deeds.  Sadly, most of their experiences confirm this narrative.  Whats worse is that the few people who can, by example, shatter this image have just slammed the door in their face.  They go home having confirmed every fear or doubt as the world they found truly did appear fractured.

It is important to have realistic goals.  It is unlikely that the first time you expose their beliefs that they will be ready to repent.  I would prefer to be able to build a relationship with these young men, but as their social circumstances dictate against that, I do what I can.  My approach is three pronged.  First, it is important to know what you believe (particularly as it relates to the changes they have made) and be able teach those persuasively.   Second, it is important to gently cause some tension in their own system.  A few penetrating unanswerable questions will do the trick.  To many, and you back them into the corner and the discussion ends.  Third, and most important, it is important to subtly undermine their worldview.  That narrative they have been given is only so true as their experience bears out.  It is important to subliminally rewrite it.   My goal when I talk is to present the right picture of who I am.  I have a functional family and am a redeeming force of justice in my community.  I do good deeds and help others.  All of this in spite of the fact that I am not LDS.  My realistic hope in all of this is not that they will repent on the spot but that as they go home that the doubts and truths would sink in so that one day they will back and go searching.

1. Invite them in.  If you do not have time at the moment, invite them back.  Invite them over for a meal.  They are young guys who live away from home and have not had a home cooked meal for a while.  Getting them to come over for a meal helps to adjust the expectations for the meeting.  This prevents the short hit and run approach they use.  Besides, nothing softens someone’s heart like mesquite grilled fajitas.  Save some of the meal prep for when they are there.  Letting them watch you and your family prepare and share a meal together will make a huge impression on them.  Remember, in their minds, they are the only ones who should be able to do this.  Probably most of the houses in your neighborhood exhibited a drastically different family dynamic.  You neither have a broken home, nor are you LDS.  This presents a bigger problem for them than the best crafted apologetic arguments.

2. Don’t give them the whole load.  There is a point in your conversation when they realize that in spite of your smiling face that you are a lost cause.  Try not to reach this point in the first meeting.  The most meetings I have ever been able to get out of any missionaries is three.  There will be a time to push harder, but in the first meeting play nice and focus on the “ambiance.”

3.  Try to be too busy in conversation to have time to watch the video on the first time.  This shows interest in them as people and it gives a pretext for a second visit.  They have a curfew, so it is not to difficult to let the clock tick out.

4. Try to do some good deed for them.  Again, this undercuts their narrative.  You might have to be somewhat forceful.  If you are successful in getting them to push the edge of their curfew the easiest service might be a ride home, though they will probably refuse at first.  I was able to do this with one group though it too some convincing about bad the neighborhood was after dark (it truly was, we lived in the hood).  We threw the bikes in the back of the truck and went to their apartment (knowing where the LDS owned apartment is good on a number of levels).  They loved the truck.  Most of these guys come from Utah, Arizona, Wyoming, and other western states.  Guns, ATVs, hunting, and trucks, are great conversation starters.

5. Invite them back again.  Serving them through hospitality has a disarming effect.  The longer they can be around you and your family, the more chances you have to undercut the LDS talking points about non-LDS families and religions.

6. It’s ok to watch the DVD with them.  It is important to know that they will ask you how you feel at the end of it.  They are looking for people who have some strong stirring.  The DVD is usually about Joseph Smith.  They come to the door wanting to talk about Jesus, but very quickly switch gears to Smith.

7.  Be ready for their push. After the video, and some times before, they will want to tell you their testimony.  In their thinking, a personal testimony is irrefutable (have they been reading our play books?).  They will use phrases like ” my testimony is’…’” or “I testify to you: ‘…’”.  Save these phrases for later.  If you appear unconvinced, they will some times go on the offensive about the trinity or the testifying of the Old Testament to the coming of Joseph Smith and the Book of Mormon.

8.  Push back.  It cant be all smiles and Fajitas.  You need to be ready to talk about their “push” from the scriptures.  They have only looked at these passages in preparation to talk to you.  They do not understand the context.  Their questions about the Trinity will come across as “smacky.”  They have only ever heard the doctrine falsely characterized, mocked, and then promptly rejected as “no one who believes Bible could hold this view” (again, have they been reading our books?).   I have had the opportunity to explain why we believe the trinity.  The guys were very interested (though the older one tried to shut it down, that is his job after all).  They had never heard anyone actually support the view.

9.  Be ready for their push back.  This can look like anything.  I realize that isn’t helpful, but it is true.  I have received diverse responses.  A very common one, however, is to regroup back in their personal testimony.  This is usually when I push a little harder.  They might want to you take their challenge of reading the Book of Mormon and asking God to reveal if Joseph Smith is a true prophet.  They might recount their own experience of having done so.  Now if you have ever read the book and done this, that can be a certain advantage, though it is not necessary to have done so.  This is the time to bring out your own testimony.   When the older guy from #8 realized that I was making sense to his less experience partner, he was ready to pull the plug and literally walk out.  Sensing this I through out my testimony in a last ditch effort to make some progress.  The tone of the room immediately changed.  The older one quit arguing and sat there respectfully and listened.  I have read the Book and taken their challenge so I do work that in there.  More importantly, over the three meetings I had been listening to them.  I knew what they cared about, how they thought, and what they were interested in as “evidence.”  This bought me 45 minutes of silence as I told my testimony through the lens of growing up in a tradition that added lots of extra-biblical material to belief and practice (KJV only, no drums in music, etc) and then went searching and went back to the scriptures themselves.  I weaved in a little of Luther (they don’t like Catholics) and paralleled some of the reformation with my personal story.  In closing my conversation with them I summarized a list of beliefs both about my theology and book and theirs.  “I testify to you….”  I used this time to contradict anything that I didn’t agree with.  In this format there was no room for argument.  They don’t really know what to do when someone’s experience and testimony conflict with their own–especially when they cannot point to some obvious dysfunction in my family and life.

10.  Always be welcoming and inviting.  However, understand that at some point they will simply quit coming back.

I have had the opportunity of talking with Mormons who were not on mission and the context was much different (read nicer).  It was more like a normal conversation with a real person as there was no pretext of “shouldn’t one of us get converted?  I am the missionary here so that just leaves you….”

Hopefully the hybrid method of shrewd confrontation and subliminal communication will benefit you in your future endeavors.  I hope that as these young men and women venture out on their trips that at least one point during their stay someone is able to provide them with a contradiction and an option that they can understand.