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The "Mixed Nuts" of the SBC
Posted by Geoff Baggett in Uncategorized
This post is a revised, updated, and expanded version of a post I wrote for another blog in early 2007. I liked it so much that I thought I might share it with my friends at sbc IMPACT! Remember … it’s very tongue-in-cheek, and just for fun. 
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Early last year Wade Burleson initiated a discussion on his blog about the nature of the Southern Baptist Convention. He posed the fundamental question, “Are we a denomination or an association?” The thread was full of great comments and insights. But one, in particular, caught my eye.
Gun-totin’ blogger C.B. Scott gave what may very well be the most inspired and insightful view of all. He said:
“I think we are a bunch of nuts and if we are not careful the pigs are going to eat us.”
Now … that made me think. That’s deep. You don’t hear that around the church much these days. And I found that I am in agreement with C.B. We are, indeed, a bunch of nuts. In fact, I tend to think of the SBC as sort of like a bowl of mixed nuts.
Here’s what I mean:
Most Southern Baptists are like humble, lowly Peanuts. We’re relatively small and not always visible, but still very tasty. We add a pleasant flavor to any bowl that we grace. We tend to be a lot alike. And there are so, so many of us. We’re just so small and relatively insignificant that we tend to settle down to the bottom of the bowl. And we rarely actually know what’s going on at the top. We basically fill the bowl and provide something for all of the other more influential, more “connected” nuts to climb upon on their way to the “top” of the bowl.
Some Southern Baptists are like Pecans. They’re relatively thin-skinned. They tend to crack pretty easily under just a little pressure. Oh, they have some “meat” and lots of flavor, but every now and then you hit a bitter streak. You know the type …
Of course, there are always a handful of wonderful people who are like hearty Brazil Nuts. They’re covered by a hard, thick skin. And, boy, they are tough nuts to crack. They’re full of wonderful, tasty “meat.” They have tremendous flavor and value. But there just always seems to be so few of them in our SBC bowl.
And what would a bowl of Baptist mixed nuts be without a handful of tasty Almonds? Almonds are truly unique, historical nuts. They were cultivated for thousands of years before they even had a name. And they’re no ordinary nuts. Almonds were known as far back in history as the times of the Bible. Because Southern Baptist almonds are such unique, valuable, historical nuts, they tend to think that all other nuts should look, sound, act, and taste just like them. And if not, then any non-conforming non-almonds must not be “real” Baptist nuts. Indeed, they many not even be nuts at all.
Some people in Southern Baptist churches and circles are like Cashews. Cashews are truly “elite,” ruling class of nuts. They are processed by the poor and consumed by the rich. You tend to find cashews in tasty clusters in the nut bowl. The hearty, beautiful cashew commands every tasty bowl of mixed nuts, and it’s no different in the SBC. If you plan to have any influence or leadership, or secure a convention job, you either have to fall from a cashew tree or know one or two of the “right” cashews.
And, finally, an elite few are like English Walnuts. Though not quite so rare, they tend to think they’re more valuable and a more desirable option than all of the other nuts in the common bowl. They resent the cashews. They think they should be at the top of and in charge of the bowl. After all, they are the most informed, attractive nuts … right? Their shells are beautiful to gaze upon. But they tend to always “crack” along the same lines. Then when you do get inside, you’re disappointed because there’s just not as much “meat” as there should be. And what’s truly interesting is that they seem to think they taste just a little bit better when all of the peanuts shout from below how beautiful, wise, and wonderful they are. For the most part they just lie on top and complain about the bowl … and if they don’t get their way they threaten to move to another bowl. But they never seem to actually go anywhere …
Of course, lately it seems that calls for liberty have brought a few Beer Nuts into our Southern Baptist bowl. 
Yep … I agree … we’re just a bunch of mixed nuts!
So, what about it? Can you think of any more “nuts” that need to be included in our eclectic, colorful, diverse SBC “bowl?”
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Geoff,
You forgot Macadamia nuts. I am a Macadamia nut. We are round and grow only in exotic countries. I am round and from exotic West Texas,now living in the exotic country of Louisiana. We have no other distinguishing qualities, except that we usually cost more than the other nuts. Oh, we go well with white chocolate, too, in those big cookies. Oh, and most people love us. Yep, that’s me: from a strange land, round, expensive taste, I go well with white chocolate, and I (just like Sally Field at the Oscars) am loved by many.
Sorry, I just got carried away.
Great post.
Geoff-
You forgot hickory nuts. No longer added to the bowl, just to doggone hard to get into. But the meat is a tasty treat to the persistent.
Chris
The bad part about being a peanut is that we get fed to the elephants a lot…
And what of the pistachios? They too have lost mixed bowl appeal. They are costly and presented without mixture. They are salty, refreshing electro-lights and stinging open wounds. They are a funny green color, repulsing the world, but refreshing those who love them. And most of all they are packed full of life giving protein!!!
I’d like to have a bunch of them. But too many cause high blood pressure, not to mention tremendous lower intestinal therapy, if you know what I mean. ;’)
Chris
Cyle,
Sometimes you feel like a nut … sometimes you don’t.
Chris,
Where I come from only squirrels eat hickory nuts (or as my Pappy used to say, “hickernuts”). Do people really eat them?
Bernard,
What do the “elephants” in your scenario illustrate?
Chris,
Who do the pistachios represent? Our academics, perhaps?
Geoff,
My pop made me break a many “hikernuts”. Probably more for his amusement than the value of the fruit. Though I will say I found a tree that bore thin skinned nuts and watched deer eat those nuts. Go figure.
As for the pistacios. I have some folk in mind. Let’s just say they are the best models of Christ followers, who for their dying commetment to Him and their lifestyle to boot, prove sometimes too much for the mixed bowl. Just to much like Him. Yet God has scattered them throughout the land and in His Churches and I see many in blogville too.- At times you look a little green yourself!
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